well.. today is the 31st of december 2005.. in 13 hours time.. we will bid farewell to 2005 n welcome 2006..
-----
for all that i could remember, 2005 had been an enriching year.. there were many changes to my life.. some of which i couldnt cope with.. but then there are the others where i'm glad i came to know of.. i think i grew up in a way.. however.. i fall much greater too in another sense..
-----
things did not exactly turn out the way i hoped it had.. n i didnt react as well as i hope i did.. instead of that cheery girl i once knew.. i haf no idea wad i haf become to.. there were lots of time that i went searching for myself.. but when i finally pick myself up in a way.. i fall the other way.. it's probably a sort of punishment for me..
-----
but through all these.. i realise those that i really need are always there for me.. it's just up to me to open up and take that step to look for them.. they'll always stand by me.. giving me the encouragement n support that i need.. sometimes it actually turns out to be me who resists help.. me who isolate myself from others.. i always say i cannot help it.. it feels a natural thing to be doing.. but in reality, i'm the one who is not giving others a chance.. i'm the one who is keeping to myself.. really got to thank all those who stood by me .. that simple sms or tag u leave here n there really warm my heart and make me feel alot better when i'm sad..
-----
trying to hide that tear with a smile.. well.. i suppose many just see the smile.. maybe it's only human nature to see only what they want to see.. n this is normally only the good n happy things.. sometimes when we are happy, we just assume everyone else to be feeling the same.. or sometimes we just pretend that we never see the truth and hope we will escape from it.. or that person will just feel better.. how much of us do we want others to see.. how much will we open up to let others see that real person inside us.. many times we keep it to ourselves cox we do not want others to see us as weaklings or to see our flaws.. we want others to see us as the perfect beings.. that little angels.. but in reality, who doesnt make mistakes.. it's those reactions from others that makes one ashame of making mistakes than to learn from mistakes.. when a person makes a mistake, do we look at the mistake they haf made or do we look at the things they haf done rite.. not praising them for what they haf done right n only criticising them for what they had done wrong.. will only make them to give up hope n lose self esteem.. they would probably feel that they can never do anything right.. would you criticise or praise..
-----
2006:to laugh like i used to.. to smile cause i want to.. to talk like i'm made to.. dont want to breathe cause i have to but breathe cause i want to.. dont want to cry cause i'm sad but cry cause i'm happy.. dont want to live like i need to but live like i cant wait for tmr.. dont want to eat cause i have to but eat cause i like to.. basically.. i want to find my real self.. to find me back.. so that i can love truthfully.. and live happily..
melie
11:11 am
