well.. after reading one of my friend's blog mentioning about a year ago.. it made me recall wad i had done a yr ago.. it reminded me of the past that i had gotten over.. a past that i'm greatful to have.. a lesson to learn.. an experience that changed my life abit..
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a year on, after really having gone over it.. the sadness, anger or wadsoever has also disappeared with time.. i guess with the help of another person also helped me get back on my feet faster.. learning to love and giving it up is definitely not easy.. spending one year trying to piece my life back again.. was quite tiring for me.. at that point in time, everything didnt go the way they all should.. to make matters worse.. everytime we need someone, we cant seem to find them.. i came to realise that everyone has the same feeling.. i guess it's a matter of whether we did let go to let others comfort us.. at that point in time, i didnt say anything.. everything was kept inside.. i felt lost.. no matter how much i tell myself that i haf frenz to talk to.. i didnt know who to turn to.. even to my best friends.. i didnt know how to start.. then when i see my frenz with problems of their own.. my heart wants to help but i suddenly became that selfish person.. not sure why.. but i didnt noe how to help them.. i hated myself.. i didnt noe how to comfort others suddenly.. i just felt myself beginning to slip into isolation.. sometimes i badly want the company of others.. but somehow i didnt feel welcome.. i always retreated.. smiling was my only source of comfort.. pretending was the only way to hide.. guess i'm pretty good at pretending now.. cant believe i even hide from my parents.. the only place i can be myself is under the covers of my bed.. my room.. the leftover energy that i haf for the day is used up by crying.. so that i can sleep better.. crying out means the sorrows for that day gets forgotten before i sleep..
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a year on, i noe i hurt people even my best friend cause of some of the things they did or i did.. think our relationship changed to a certain extent.. for someone like me, i only let time heal it.. hoping it will be better.. i'm sorry.. for what i said.. for what i've done or have not done.. not sure why i allowed myself to let one thing affect me so badly.. guess i'm starting to breathe again.. bringing my life back again.. just like wad the chorus of the song 'breakaway' by kelly clarkson says..'i'll spread my wings / and i'll learn how to fly / though it's not easy / to tell you goodbye / i gotta take a risk,take a chance make a change / and break away / out of the darkness and into the sun / but i wont forget the place i come from...'
melie
4:49 pm
