i got back some of my sleep i think.. slept at 9.30pm on wed nite n 10pm on thurs nite.. 8-9 hrs of sleep.. just to wake up feeling more tired.. when nite time falls.. my body just feels tired.. the mind just wans to shut down n not think of it.. but it's like the mind is split into two.. one half wans to keep awake.. waiting for something that might not come.. the other half is slowly dying, wans to just sleep.. i dunno if i'm confused.. it's like eating dark chocolate.. bittersweet..
an uncle asked me on fri during lunch.. why i seem so lost.. how come they can notice so much when i already tried hiding.. i couldnt answer why.. just putting on a weak smile and say i'm just tired.. guess i'm glad i got posted to this centre.. going thru this phase of life wasnt easy esp since it came as a shock to me.. all the uncles and aunties just force me to smile at them each day.. it's hard not to be happy for them.. some of them are depressed at the fact that they are what they are today.. i cant see myself making them feel more sad.. i could only suppressed my feelings and cheer them up.. to see some of the uncles and aunties smile back at you, hold tightly to your hand, it'll just touch your heart.. thinking that i haf one more week with them pains my heart abit.. i might just cry when i say my last goodbye to them..
recently, had a fren at work asked my fren n i how we celebrated our birthdays last yr.. cracking my brain hard, i tried to recall.. sounds stupid yea.. but i couldnt rmb much.. only that i celebrated wif him the day before n what he gave me.. we started on that topic cause that fren just celebrated his gf's bdae the day before and gave her a surprise.. he was saying how it should be a memorable one esp since it was the first time they spent it together.. steph reminded me on how last yr that jacket made me blushed everytime someone asked who gave it to me.. how much that jacket means to me.. how much comfort that jackets gives when he's not arnd.. to me.. it didnt matter what i do on my bdae.. but the person i get to spend wif matters the most.. dairies are my only recollections of the past.. i can never express myself out verbally therefore i always write..
solace
melie
11:05 am
