yea abi i guess i'm growing faster than u this yr.. this week come and go pretty much smooth sailing.. until the weekend.. well.. had dinner pretty much at my aunt's place cause my grandpa was in hospital.. it's easier to visit him from there.. thurs went for a pedicure the first time.. well.. another money spending moment.. fri all was well til night.. went supermarket for marketing.. ha.. had a alumni's gathering at my house.. and i'm pretty happy with wad i've done as a host that day until it happened.. well.. i cooked and everything.. minli helped in preparing potato salad.. marvellous.. ha.. anyway, prepared bee hoon and other small stuff.. first time cooking.. ha.. my kitchen is still intact.. ok.. everything was going fine until i received a call from korea.. well my first instinct was they probably going to ask how's my cooking but the other side of me thought "oh shit.. must be something happen" cause calling means it's urgent.. and it was really is emergency.. i talked to a point i was shouting into my phone which i could tell anyone within 10m radius could hear me.. as i was standing at the back, i think my neighbours could hear me.. oh well.. i didnt really care.. i was damn frustrated and helpless that my mom started a korean drama episode in korea itself.. i got really worked out.. i was shouting to my parents.. i cant even believe myself but i didnt want to stop myself either.. after much shouting, my mom agreed to calm herself down.. cause she was not.. NOT thinking LOGICALLY.. i know it happens so at that point, i really tried my best to see if i could get anything into her head.. i was at the point of breaking down.. luckily i had my friends over.. after i cooled down, and hearing of jokes, i got better..
saturday was pretty ok.. luckily...met up with my uncle and aunt.. had a talk with them about my parents.. seriously, one can surely hide the truth.. probably face matters so much more.. i'm already so tired to not bother how others look at me or my family.. what if anyone knows.. somehow they will one day know.. see what you've become from keeping all to yourself.. i dunno how to help you also..
well slept late on sat night cause watched tv and made sure my bro slept and not play xbox thru out the night.. ok.. i woke up at 7am.. dunno why.. but just as my phone rang.. as i was walking to my dresser to get my phone.. i prayed it wasnt from any relatives related to my father's side or my parents.. once enough already.. ok.. it's my parents.. i tried telling myself, maybe they called to check on us or tell us about their flight tmr.. ok.. cheating myself of the truth.. ok.. new story this time.. am i suppose to get all excited.. mayb it was morning and i was in a closed bedroom so i didnt quite shout again.. but no matter wad i say, didnt quite get thru to the other end.. in terms of understanding.. so i started giving up already cause no matter how i persuaded, it's not working this time.. so as i talked, tears started rolling.. i was crying and talking.. i was throwing facts at her face.. when i talk to my dad, we both agree it's time she needs medical help.. we are all exhausted already.. know any psychaitrist?.. i have another day to find out before they return.. she refused to talk to me after she heard me crying.. think she started too.. or she heard me.. after i put down the phone, i couldnt stop the tears at all.. i just sat at my bro's bed and cried for another 20 mins before i stopped.. i couldnt slp so i watched tv.. all the crap that was on.. before dozing off in front of the tv.. i'm mentally tired.. really.. wad a start to the day.. got me all not motivated to do another.. hate myself..
i am pretty upset myself.. i know there's not much i can do at this point in time anymore.. it's beyond any of our control anymore.. i couldnt start her on any thought-stopping techniques.. i'm suspecting depression or bipolar disorder.. her mood swing abit to drastic and she seems to be delusioned.. oh man.. what can i say.. 2007.. haix..
i wanna share wad i read from a book.. mayb not today.. mood not right..
melie
6:03 pm
