when you are given time to prepare for the worse.. i think many go into denial.. i'm one of them.. today is the third day that my ye ye is admitted.. doc say yesterdae that we must be prepared that he might go anytime.. so my aunts have sort of started the preparation of preparing for his death that sort of thing.. signing the medisave form thing.. finding a suitable photo for him.. well... i'm given a task to find a photo after i did that video for him.. cant rmb if i saw a black and white photo of him.. many times when i see him, i always end up tearing.. to see him in a state like that now.. it hurts.. he has grown so thin now.. unable to sit out of bed.. no more doing of crossword puzzles.. i dunno wad to do.. and then again.. i'm suppose to be strong..
i hate electronic search.. i'm bad at it.. dunno how to search.. argh..
i am scare.. i lost trust and faith in everything i do.. even the closest people around me.. sometimes i lose faith in them.. time and time after disappointment, i just dont see the reason why i should be upset but i still do..
gotta go for lunch.. back later
1.30pm
back from lunch
my mind is too flustered to think our anything coherant now.. my mind is like flying everywhere.. cant keep my mind at one place now.. very scattered.. been thinking.. like now.. we are supposed to be prepared for the worse.. will the person himself knows what happening to himself?.. i have a feeling they do.. somehow something tells me he's not yet ready to let go.. (or is it me).. the expression of his face.. the agony that he shows when he's in pain.. the tiredness in his eyes.. but somehow there's something..
cant think of anything that will make sense.. my whole mind is filled with things i should do.. it's in a mess.. everything is.. oh man..
melie
12:00 pm
