it's wierd isnt it.. when people have to tell you that you will be stronger after all these.. after you have survived and gone through the tough times, you will be stronger.. somehow.. it's a feelings we all can feel but not sure what it's call.. k.. maybe it's just me..
tough week had just gone by.. test of my emotions and mental well-being.. i try to be as positive as i can.. but seriously.. it's not easy.. cause it drains every part of me away.. in the end.. i'll be too tired to do anithing else.. which puts me in deep trouble.. plans dont get carried out.. maybe this is what you call as lazy..
every night every day.. i hear those quarrels.. it gets me all down.. i'm not trying to exagerate anything but i do hear them every night.. i heard them yesterday morning.. last night.. what they are quarreling about? i have no idea.. they try to whisper.. if not they do it behind close doors.. sometimes i really wonder whether i'm just imagining the whispers in the darknes.. i tried believing they were my imagination but it is for real..
my insonmia came back again.. that's probably why i get more upset cause i hear more quarrelings.. at home, it's either u sleep so early that no one is in bed yet, or you sleep like a pig that you dont hear anything noise or sound.. but for me.. as a light sleeper.. everything stirs me up for my sleep.. since i cant sleep early now.. i watch tv, read my journals.. just trying to keep calm so i can sleep.. but.. it's difficult.. it's like a mind battle every night.. battle the sadness and fear cause of the occasional voice of your parents you hear from their room though my room is the furthest away..
i also dont know why i get so upset from hearing something that happens ever so often.. but it hurts pretty alot at times.. this is probably when i get all quiet and keep to myself more.. so that i wont breakdown.. it's probably going to sound bizzare but sometimes i do feel i'm crying inside me already before the tears even show..
many people told me to be patient with my family and try to spend more time at home.. but i dont really do it sometimes cause it hurts much more to be at home.. sometimes to go home to find no one though it's already late at night.. sometimes to go home to find your parents had just quarreled or are quarreling.. i dont want to feel sad when i already am.. i dont want to have to cry myself to sleep..
but i'm glad.. i still have my friends around.. esp some of them.. they keep me company when it really gets tough.. stick with you no matter what happens... offer you advice.. but it's the company that matters to me more.. i couldnt ask for more..
melie
12:00 pm
