congratulation kor!!.. so exciting.. going to my kor's wedding dinner tonight.. haha.. fun fun.. can see minli in the dress she bought on sat.. haha.. we spend like 2 hrs walking down from ps to heeren.. haha.. when we finally found something suitable for her.. hee.. but it was fun waiting for her try out and seeing her expression everytime she opens the door.. haha.. probably wearing my black dress tonight.. hee.. haven decide.. gonna rush home from sch later cause got proj meeting to change.. my kor called yesterdae to say to put his $1000 angbao at the reception table.. hey kor.. even closest friends dun give $1000 ma.. haha..
dunno why i've been feeling like that these few days.. ever since we started watching all those movies during lessons this week.. that terrible feeling has been haunting me.. fear hasnt left me.. i'm scared.. very... walked home todae from al amin.. bought dinner fr there after coming home from sch excursion.. didnt noe wad to eat.. so just got off the bus there and bought something.. dunno why.. just felt like walking.. wish i have a weighted vest now.. really nd the propriceptive input now..
why am i starting to hate myself again.. hate myself for being who i am hate myself for feeling this way hate myself for not knowing who i am anymore
abi, thanks for keeping me company through the nite on sunday.. though u were sleeping, u woke up every half an hour to sms me to make sure i was still awake doing my work.. thanks for staying with me till 4 plus in the morning.. sorry for making u so tired the next day..
yw, thanks for the essence of berries.. thanks for the little prayer u sent me.. really touched..
xian, thanks for spending time with me last fri.. though we haven gotten ber's piggy bank.. ha..
kor, for wasting my smses on sat.. tsk.. mayb little sisters are meant to be bullied to entertain their big bros when they are bored.. well.. hope preparations are going fine.. congrats.. the wedding is next week!!
ml, hf, and my poly classmates, for bearing with me.. for listening to all my nonsense.. helping me get over all the phases in life..
diane jie jie & jacky, thanks for the stuff u bought for me.. love them..
little bro, for sharing that he got accepted by monash.. for giving me a massage on my shoulders.. for giving me the hugs when i ask for them..
bet i got some more ppl i should say thanks to.. i will if i rmb.. why do i deserve all these people's help.. do i?
these 2 weeks.. been sleeping after 12am everyday.. most of the days i only sleep at 2am.. fyp is really into full steam.. i'm struggling to keep up.. i am ashame that i cant reach my targets.. home's not good.. can feel it.. dad slept on the couch last nite.. haven talked much to my parents.. maybe it's just luck.. i got accused and scolded for stuff i never do for the past few days.. it's not my problem.. went to temple to pray my grandpa todae.. 21 days.. feels good to see my other famly members.. watched 'tuesdays with morrie' during tutorial yesterdae.. cried 3/4 of the time.. many scenes reminded me of lots of stuff.. my parent, grandpa, all my relationships.. life has just been difficult.. devastated many times till i've numbed my heart so much that i dunno what i'm feeling now.. cant describe anymore..
i pray every morning that nothing will upset me in the day i pray as i step out of house that i'll be able to smile i pray every minute that i wouldnt cry as i walk i pray every time something is about to go wrong i pray for strength when something gets me upset i pray for company when everything is out of my control i pray before i sleep that i wouldnt hear anything through the night i pray everynight that tomorrow will be better i pray every second that happiness will come some day
but
i am thankful i've got friends i am thankful i'm still sane
