since when did i become so timid... hmm... oh man.. i've got no guts to even type a simple sms of happy birthday.. oh well... my throat is irritating.. feel like i'm falling sick or something.. slept like super alot yesterdae.. got home at 5 plus after meeting hf, minli n jeff for lunch then i slept till 7.30pm when my mom called me up for dinner.. but wasnt hungry so decided to skip dinner... then just stone feeling tired n sleepy still.. went to bed at 11 plus after watching 3 hrs of csi.. ha.. waking up at 9 plus todae.. best ar.. yesterdae went nihon maru at revenue hse for late lunch.. ha.. jeff ordered sake trying to make hf drink again.. ha.. i didnt drink much cause didnt like sake.. it smells of nail polish or thinner.. ha.. hmm... maybe drinking helps me to sleep better... recently yw told me that she's glad i have a bond to serve after 1 year in aussie.. that means i'll be back in singapore after 1 year.. ha.. she's glad that i wont run away in aussie and not come back.. hee.. but aussie is not my kinda place to run away too.. though the pay there may be good.. ha.. but living expenses is high too.. well.. spore is getting higher too.. i've got 4 years to serve... in kkh.. ha.. children.. hee..happy birthday.. hope life is great for you..
melie
11:38 am
went for scholarship cum uni application briefing yesterdae.. submit my form le so waiting for confirmation.. the plan is to go sydney on 25 apr to find an apartment.. i'm excited to go.. but the situation i'm in, with my parents like that.. i'm kinda scare to hafta go alone with them.. most of my frenz would agree i cant perform under stress.. not sure why i have lots of thing on my mind.. if i hafta go with 2 ppl who are mad at each other.. i dunno how to function... i'm not talking to any of them now cause i'm angry at them.. just cant understand them.. i dun want to..
last nite.. saw my dad drinking alone before he went to bed.. the sight of it wasnt pleasant.. after that he sat in the dark in the living room.. doing soduku.. it was 1am and he hasnt gone to bed.. it was so hard for me to go to bed after that cause it really hurt alot..
went swimming after coming home from dental just now cause the sun was out and i didnt want to stay home alone.. just sat in the pool lazing around getting heated by the sun.. sigh.. back at home now..
melie
3:17 pm
i'm haunted by not being able to slp again.. in times of fear & sorrow.. i just have trouble putting myself to bed.. i get scared.. wonder why.. the arguing wouldnt stop.. sometimes i wonder if i'm hearing things.. cause i think i can hear them quarreling now...
i'm doing all sort of things to get myself tired... playing non stop repeatitive computer games, doing sudoku, watching tv, staring at the computer...
melie
12:42 am
life doesnt like to go according to how you plan it.. that's one reason why i dun really like to plan cause MY LIFE doesnt like to follow a plan.. cause no matter how great your plan is.. it gets spoilt... somehow or another...
well.. tues got along fine i suppose.. went volunteering, got my cert signed.. spent the afternoon and nite with xian at east coast where we chilled and recollect memories.. ha.. like we are damn old.. but it was fun recalling stuff.. for that moment i suddenly felt that my life wasnt that boring after all.. after all these years, i could remember the times that would crack me up.. so i'm happy about it..
tree shot
shot from where we sat
a guy doing some water sport.. cool!
my mood got abit affected when i was on the way home.. cause the guy sitting next to me fell asleep and he started leaning over... woke him up a few times by moving around.. but he still fall back to sleep.. and he was damn heavy la.. wanted to push him off but i was nice not to do it.. ha.. somehow in the nite.. i had plans to run away fr home.. ha.. i managed to convince myself on what time i should do it.. the next day morning.. ha.. when no one is around.. ha.. (maybe i could feel the future.. this kind of thoughts always mark an EXCITING day ahead..
k.. i started off wed thinking that i'll have some time alone at home and maybe carry out my great escape.. but.. not.. cause my parents got into a quarrel again and my mom didnt go medical checkup.. shit k... cause i wasnt in the best of moods... felt abit low cause comtemplating on whether to go my bro's graduation cause there's only 2 invites.. haiz... my bro wasnt at home cause he was called up for vocation by the army... i wanted so badly for him to be around.. i got around the hours by watching tv.. pretending i couldnt hear or feel anything.. i didnt hear them quarrel so not that bad.. then went out for my bro's grad... my bro went out with his fren after that.. so i went home with my parents.. not that good idea.. cause volcano erupted.. haiz... i'm practising the art of ignorance... bro come home quick...
9:04 pm
melissa is happy for the time being as she has accomplished some of the things she needs to do.. haha...
1) ordered birks for wan ting, bryan n me.. hahaha...
2) transferred my taiwan trip money n birks order money to my that.. whopping 2ooo++.. ha (makes me sad cause i have less money now..)
3) no chalet for poly class gathering.. k.. now it'll be my house... both excited and excited.. haha.. i always like gatherings.. hee..
4) replied an email to hq.. received a snail mail on sat from hq saying i was nominated for something.. the whole nite was pondering on whether to accept.. told my kor abt it.. he said why nd to think, just accept la.. ha.. but somehow been wondering if it's too early.. like there are others who did not receive the award also.. and the slogged longer than me.. doubt i have done alot too.. oh well.. cant regret now cause i accepted it.. hmmm...
talking about hq.. went there with min on sat to clear our unit account stuff.. which the hq has screwed it up for 2 years.. out account has 900 deficit due to some stupid mistake they make.. argh... luckily it's going to be settle now.. hahaha.. then authorise min to sign the accounts cause i'll be away soon..
going to sch after volunteering tmr to get my transcripts certified.. ha.. they can do on the spot.. ha... yeah.. wed is bro's graduation ceremony.. gonna be there.. he's gonna wear gown.. ha can take pix.. he's not home most of the time lately cause he started working at osim.. hafta work 4 days then he get to rest 1 day.. yesterdae managed to spend some time with him esp at nite cause we watch kung fu basketball .. ha.. thurs gonna go singhealth to do my uni application.. hopefully no screw ups.. please..
melie
11:05 am
ok.. i attempted some of the stuff on my list following my low mood on wed...
1) i started a little organisation with getting my client to do filing for me.. k.. free labour.. it's my attempt to teach admin job.. ha..
2) i started planning my finance.. in my mind.. working out the money i have.. sucks.. how much do i hafta change for aussie (short trip) & taiwan & if thailand..
3) i filled up my application form for sydney.. nd to go back sch to get transcript certified.. i'm bad at such stuff.. thanks to advice fr elaine..
4) i tried ordering for birkenstock just now.. but my fren's slip-on is sold out.. shucks.. think i took too long to order... argh.. darn.. nd to wait for her to reply me.. i got 3 pairs ready to order le..
5) still working on the list.. my...
i feel like screaming again.. i miss my hugs, where's my bro... little brother...
been stoning so much that during mahjong with my cousin's frenz i couldnt concentrate.. seriously stressed out with them cause they are like pro la.. i was trembling during the first few rounds.. the couple have a golden retriever.. so cool.. i want one too.. i'm so tired and preoccupied.. i have so much time to rest but i dun seem to be sleeping much during the nite.. wad's the matter with me..
melie
12:38 am
feeling kinda low now... ha.. wonder why.. just thinking of what needs to be done makes me tired and lerthagic(hmm how to spell the word, whatever)..
1)pack my room from the mess that accumulated from 3 years of poly studies.. papers and files fill my tables and under my bed.. ha..
2)fill up my uni of syd application form
3)find lodging for syd - prepare the necessary doc.. prepare to go over in apr for house hunting & open bank acc(wad if i cant prepare the doc in time)
4)prepare for taiwan trip
5)prepare to go overseas for study
6)prepare thailand stuff if i get to go... (hopefully i get to go)
7)start on financial planning.. (aussie bank acc, shopping in aussie & taiwan & maybe thailand, lodging in aussie, travelling when in aussie) not much left after that.. sucks..
8)work skills stuff for volunteer work
9)meeting up with my frenz..
10)making order for birks..
11)spend time with bro & family (before i go overseas n b4 he gets enlisted)
12)list goes on with other nitty gritty stuff...
ok.. i have a freaking long list.. feel like sleeping already.. ha.. come on melissa u can do it..
yeah.. huifang is back.. probably get to see her later.. yupyup.. i need endorphin injections..
melie
4:36 pm
spent saturday carrying out our first venture lesson.. intro to venturing.. ha.. cool.. planning to keep it for future use if nd be.. then just went home with bryan after that.. ha.. rotted at home alone after that.. just suddenly felt pretty low.. not my usual self.. or maybe it's just my usual self..
then came sunday.. almost forgot about monthly meeting if minli had not reminded me.. ha.. after meeting hang out at the cc with minli, jeff, swee han n yizhi.. we just looked up on going to thailand in june.. gish.. i wanna go too.. hopefully my mom will let me.. but it'll be 2 weeks before leaving for aussie.. hmmm.. after that went to collect my toy camera in boon lay cause yuli couldnt make it.. ha.. show u guys how it looks like..
it's called a robot or something.. ha.. think it looks like bat man or wad.. ha.. anyway.. almost freak out when i couldnt fit the 35mm film into the camera.. it's suppose to take 3 photos at once.. will post the look of the photos when i'm done with the film.. hee..
just watched charlotte's web... now just stoning till nite when i'll be meeting my cousins n aunts for dinner cause it's my aunt bdae tmr.. cool yea.. didnt tell my parents where i'm going, just out for dinner.. why did i make this decision? no idea.. going rice table.. ha.. zl working tonite too.. ha..
Say you hardly know, Exactly who I am, So hard to understand, I knew right from the start, The way I felt inside, If you read my mindfrom a song i loved that was once in chinese..
melie
2:45 pm
A leader is best
When people barely know that he exists,
Not so good when people obey and acclaim him;
Worse when they despise him.
"Fail to honor people,
They fail to honor you."
But of a good leader, who talks little,
When his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
They will all say, "We did this ourselves."
- Lao-Tzu, Chinese Philosopher.
chance upon this when i was looking at stuff for my ventures lesson.. think it's a great thing to follow and guide me..will you still look at me like you did before; happy birthday grandpa; miss you lots
melie
10:14 pm
well results are out and i barely meet the basic for uni entry... really hope i can get a place.. please please.. results were expected.. hee.. glad my attachment results were ok cause they have 33 credits.. thank you.. was relieved was i saw the sms of my results this morn.. ha.. my sch send sms.. in which i always blurrly open the sms forgetting that it contains my results.. i rmb my last sem.. i got sucky results.. so was quite down then.. todae was still ok..
finding an apartment for sydney now.. sch starting on 28july.. hafta be in syd by 14 july.. need to get air tix and apartment.. my mom's friend helped find one.. but need to go over to open bank account and sign lease.. my mom's friend suggested going over latest by end apr.. so most probably going over with my family then.. after that off to taiwan.. ha.. 3 more months to prepare going overseas.. it's getting exciting.. ha.. cool..
went to singapore flyer with the family over the weekend.. 14 of us in total.. some pics..
singapore flyer
my bro n i
my bro n my cousin being bored
cousins hug...
a photo i like
There was someone here inside, Someone I thought had died, So long ago, Oh I'm screaming out, And my dreams will be heard
melie
11:05 pm
kinda lost at the moment cause just saw an email... oh well... (breathe in deeply!).. haix.. shall not type what it was about here.. think it involved other people too so not nice.. will just work it out tonight silently..
well.. went for volunteering todae.. yuli was late again.. ha.. overslept so i started interviewing residents myself first.. just submerged myself in the institutionalised environment for the whole 2-3 hours i was there.. at a point i really felt i was one of them was one the resident shouted my name in the crowd when he was looking for me.. ha.. shouting for people's name is what we normally do when we have to find anyone among the 100s that are there and through 4 levels.. haha.. oh well.. for a moment i wondered what if i was institutionalised there..
anyway.. my shoulder aches are back.. ha.. abi say she doesnt mind massaging for me.. haha.. when i find the time.. i'm shag out for some reasons.. but afraid to rest sometimes.. i need proprioceptive input to calm down.. argh...
going to senior's fair tmr.. then watching movie with xian, ber and cs.. awaiting a better tmr..
melie
10:23 pm
well.. it has been a long time since i post an entry seriously.. it's the new year.. cny is also long gone.. k almost 1 month already.. everything is supposed to be new this year.. lots of things to look forward to.. to embrace.. to face..
firstly.. i'm about to graduate.. ha.. just waiting for results now.. hoping that i wont do too badly.. my gpa is like crap now.. just hope it wouldnt get any worse, if not i'll have problems going overseas to study.. how to face my parents.. oh well... what is done is done, and cant be undone.. wasting my life away now.. well.. gonna start volunteering at my last attachment place.. twice a week.. hopefully it makes life more meaningful..
spending the rest of my time catching up with friends, watching movies and serials that i missed.. too much time alone la.. gotta spend it away so i wont waste time thinking about nonsensical stuff.. met up with lots of people over the past week.. ha.. suddenly so free.. managed to spend more time with my bro.. before i go overseas and before he enters the army.. did lots of shopping too.. clothes, dvds, books, food... haha..
going to taiwan in may... yeah... cant wait.. food, shopping, scenery.. ha..
k just heard my aunt fell down.. haven heard from my dad's side in ages.. the last time i saw my 2 cousins and aunt that i am close to is the day before cny eve... didnt even get to see them during cny la.. we nv celebrate this yr.. but i didnt get to see them once, not like when my grandma passed away i still saw my relatives for reunion dinner.. this yr nothing or such things.. k.. my aunt fell and hurt her hands and knee cap but she refused to see the doc.. not good.. not at all good.. feel so helpless.. k pretty affected with what i heard.. shall blog again..
melie
2:14 pm
