just heard from a client that he is back to sch.. which is great.. so happy for him.. he's probably the only one that i managed to keep in contact with.. he came from a different background.. one totally different from mine.. guess i would never be in his circumstances so it was something refreshing to hear the story he lived in.. i guess i did look at him in a different light when i first saw him.. how story forms when u see the person the first time... but through the weeks, after i slowly unfold his story, i realise he is not who i perceived to be.. i was quite ashame that i felt that way about him.. maybe not all of them are like that.. everyone deserves a chance to take the other path they never did.. everyone deserves a chance to be helped.. in a way, i saw someone who put up a front to cover up for what he isnt.. someone who pretended to be able to be accepted by people he wanted to.. to feel belonged.. no one can blame him.. he never did anything wrong.. so how much of the story he told me is true.. i hope they all are.. haha.. he's so sweet.. told him i'll be going aussie to study in july.. he said he might come send me off if he's working.. ha.. hope he doesnt ask me to buy cigarettes for him..
these few months i've been travelling lots.. to taiwan, sydney, next is thailand.. during all these time, there were many lessons i learnt from.. saw myself in a different light.. reflected upon wad i have already... i am glad for life now.. hanging out with minli, huifang and xian every now and then.. talking wadever that comes to mind.. spending time with my ventures and cc members.. meeting up wif diane and gu ma once in a while.. playing with my little cousins.. meeting up with poly, jc and sec sch frenz.. i quite like my life now.. just me.. guess that's no one to worry about when there is just me.. guess i need some time by myself again.. to really think about wad i want in life.. maybe the year away from my family will let me find the old self back.. the one who will want to portray a smile again.. the growing tension at home doesnt make it easy.. how can u not talk to someone who raise u up.. but how do i talk to someone who nv really talk to me before.. i grown used to the being by myself.. only accounting wad i do to myself.. home has suddenly been so distant at some point..
maybe after i'm back.. i shall find interest in something and further my studies in that.. or maybe i'll join some organisation and go for overseas aid from time to time.. sounds good.. going into a relationship now is the last thing on my mind.. guess to find somebody else isnt that easy.. my heart and mind doesnt want to do that now also.. i'll just be alone.. i'll be fine.. i managed all these time.. though it had been difficult when i cant seem to fit at home, but i survived.. no matter how wronged i feel at times at home, how frustrated i'll be at wad's not right... guess the independence made me stronger... no matter wad happens.. i will still have myself..
melie
3:41 pm
