e s o p h o r i a - it's all about how you perceive me.

well.. i went for my last venture activity yesterdae.. it was the year 1s investiture.. it started off with a morning lesson by the year 2s in labrador park.. then the year 1s had a hike to checkpoints where they were given challenges to complete.. the hike wasnt that far from the park.. it was along the southern ridges.. after they came back, the plan was to have a bbq dinner and campfire in the park BUT we couldnt like a fire anywhere.. and the pit was booked.. so had to change plans like the last min.. and the only place that came to mind was the roof of our cc.. haha.. well there's no place like home.. wad a phrase.. so we had bbq till 8 plus before we started the investiture ceremony..

this is the first time ever we have a ceremony.. it was quite memorable.. this yr is our fifth year running also.. cool.. after that we had a campfire.. sang some songs.. really miss those days when we went as a troop to campfires.. fun.. then cm gave a yarn.. wz and i were like damn noisy.. ha.. we were crapping.. haha.. which distracted cm alot.. oh well.. then as it was drawing towards the end, there was a part for me.. ha.. k i dunno how to put it.. but ppl just came forward to say stuff which i'm really touch by it.. the year 2s even prepared a gift for me.. really LOVED IT! especially the little notes each of them wrote.. they are REALLY SWEET.. ha.. then came the cake.. which i totally did not expect.. it had "melissa soar high" written on it.. and the cake is from four leaves.. chocolate mouusse.. wadever.. but i love it.. nice!

gotta thank minli, huifang, taion, jin hsien, chung ming, yvonne, jean, peijue, zhi ping, bryan, yi xuan, wei ting, angelina, qiao han, jia min, the year 1s, jeff, casper, edmund..thanks ppl.. will miss you lots..

oh ya.. gotta thank bryan for giving me a soduku book.. super nice of him.. ha.. and yea.. gotta miss those times when i got ppl to accompany home after venture acts.. oh well..

take care ppl.. will miss you guys!

melie
10:18 pm

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an inspirational speech by a lecturer from a university in usa.. life is about choice and dreams.. it's up to you on how do you want to live it.. the day when you take your last breath, can you say you fulfilled your childhood dream?

melie
1:41 pm

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watch this.. the continuation can be found on youtube

melie
12:24 pm

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i started with my packing officially just 2 hours ago.. ha.. packed 1/3 of my clothes into zip locs.. ha.. feel satisfied with myself.. after being bored with stuffing clothes into the bags, i decided to install my web cam.. ha.. finally.. my dad got it for me like ages ago.. but i was too lazy to get it installed.. but i realise that if i dun do it soon, my bro wouldnt be around to help me with anything that goes wrong.. haha.. i'm an IT idiot some how.. well.. it's settled now and i installed skype too.. my bro say to call him using skype next time.. so my frenz if u haf skype tell me.. hee..

going overseas to study.. is both exciting and scary.. i'm not sure wad to expect.. the thought that i will forget to do something really scares me.. is my memory failing or i knocked my head too much already..

k jux sent my arrival form to sch.. ha..

just occur to me i'm leaving on a saturday.. i kept thinking i would reach sydney on sat morn.. it just occur to me i'll be reaching on a sunday.. ok that reminds me that i need to inform uncle robert abt it.. cause i told him i'll be arriving on a sat.. ha.. opps..

as yw says.. web cam is addictive.. talking to her thru msn now.. and she can see me.. ha..

an excerpt from 小鬼's book (鬼怒穿）
所有的在意`希望到被认同，甚至挂念及担心，
都是有亲情`爱情及友情这三种情愫相互交织而成的，
很多人会问，如何把爱情`亲情`友情按顺序排列？
每个人心中的答案多不同，
但不管你打算如何解这题，
终究不会有正解。
也许每个人都背着属于自己的故事，
这一切感情的最后，
都会像三原色一样，
融为一体，
形成一个画面，
那画面可能在你眼前，
在鲜明的昨日，
活永远在你心里。。。

melie
11:22 pm

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just got back last nite at midnight... i manage to not buy alot of things.. ha.. i used less than S$1000 for my trip.. ha.. 11 days.. i'm good.. back to reality.. realised that it's another 2 more weeks before i am suppose to leave a place i called home for the past 22 years of my life.. oh well.. it's massive packing time..

returning to life here only brings excitement, fear and anxiety.. with all the emotions all mixed up i dunno where to start first.. my room.. still in a mess from my poly studies and after all the trips i have been to all these months.. ha.. where to start.. i've got my luaggage out for packing but wad should i put inside.. hmm.. and then there's a list of ppl to meet before i go.. there is less than 14 days left.. stress.. my last wkend in spore is already taken.. my last venture activity.. there is a korean bbq which i nd to plan to meet up with my yec.. hmmm... need to meet gu ma and diane jie jie, my kor, my jie, jc ppl, poly ppl, xian, yec, yanwen, ventures, huifang, minli, sec sch, my mom side of family, k that's a long list.. maybe wont haf time to meet everyone..

my parents told me last nite when they came to pick me up that they are going to new zealand in august.. super shiok.. they stopping over at sydney cox it's cheaper to take a flight from sydney to new zealand.. ha.. oh well.. they going from 5 aug to 20 aug i think.. my bro will be in adelaide from 3 aug to 23 aug i think.. so the whole family will be down under for the month of aug.. ha.. but at different places.. cool..

melie
1:33 pm

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this has been on my mind ever since i realise that it means differently..

at first, i thought either way it doesnt make any difference.. if u r faced with either, u would still feel blessed.. maybe it is so, maybe it isnt... but then i realise.. above all.. u have to love and be loved by the same person to feel real love.. guess that's the ultimate ba... how do i put the rest of my thoughts into words.. they all dont seem to fit anywhere.. they are like mixed up parts of the puzzle that doesnt join with any other pieces.. maybe i still have to ask myself.. what is love.. the longing to be with someone? the urge to fight all odds just to be with someone? to silently stand by the side and be able to watch that person from afar? or the unspoken bond with another person that is present some where out there... and then again.. there's many type of love...

i would really want to hear abi's point of view cause she's always different from everybody else.. she helps me see things from another perspective..

melie
11:19 am

Comments:

I am no love goddess or guru. From what i gathered, it seems that you are at odds with finding what is the meaning of love, perhaps trying to link what the belief you had and/or have to the situation you are in now.This is what I often do too sometimes when i try to complete the NYP assessments. Find quotes from books and whack into the report to fit the qn.this is a perhaps a rather common practice and Mankind's innate urge to explain or shape our experiences.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:45 pm

Based on your title and input, it seems to me that you are comparing 2 variables: quality vs quantity aspects of love. Let's just narrow it down to Man-Woman or Boy-girl relationship.
If your title was "what's better? to be loved or not to be loved.", it is most likely a simpler qns, very straight forward answer.
But if your title was " what's better? to love or not to love", maybe this is harder. Perhaps becos the answer is reliant on the other party.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:01 pm

Love can be very commercial and yet personal sometimes, for instance, in your examples of love, could have been influenced by what you have heard from others, watched on TV or even your family.
I know that you like songs.I can Guarantee you that all songs are about love. There was one song i heard on radio last night while driving it goes : " The first cut is the deepest" and of cos the singer knows it herself (according to the song). So under such circumstances, i dont think a cost-benefit analysis of " to love or not to love" will help.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:09 pm

By the way, the points about "the longing to be with someone? the urge to fight all odds just to be with someone? to silently stand by the side and be able to watch that person from afar? or the unspoken bond with another person that is present some where out there... and then again.. there's many type of love..." is NOT LOVE at all girl. They are EXPRESSIONS of love.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:16 pm

Love, my friend.... I am in no position to define or suggest some answers. For expressions of love, it is much easier. There are factors that influence Expressions of love. Other than the universal factors ie.person, culture, situations and environment, there are sub-factors like:The need or want for Reciprocation, selfish v.s. altruism, pride and prejudice...

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:26 pm

Like what shakespeare wrote : " It all leads back to Rome (home)". In this case, it is still back to you. Going by your argument on "u have to love and be loved by the same person to feel real love.. ". Am i right to say that you are not feeling real love since you love the person but you are not loved by the same person.This answers the qns of " What's better? To be loved or not to be loved" .

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:31 pm

now the qns on " to love or not to love". You are loving the person now. You have made that move and it is really hard to stop, in fact it is uncontrollable.Let's do something achievable, how are you going to express love... looks like you have decided to watch the person silently and expressiing it thru various outlets( if i am not wrong, this i am not sure). Nothing wrong with all answers ( assuming that I interpret it 70% accurately).

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:36 pm

hmm... thank goodness that examinations have time limits, that's why it is easier to tackle them. We answer the qns and correct them within the time frame ( but damn those time limits, I didnt get to complete papers in my life). Ironically, time limits help becos we wont get to write and change answers so many times. For the case of love life, it just never ends. It's a song that never ends, it goes on and on my friend....

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:39 pm

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just heard from a client that he is back to sch.. which is great.. so happy for him.. he's probably the only one that i managed to keep in contact with.. he came from a different background.. one totally different from mine.. guess i would never be in his circumstances so it was something refreshing to hear the story he lived in.. i guess i did look at him in a different light when i first saw him.. how story forms when u see the person the first time... but through the weeks, after i slowly unfold his story, i realise he is not who i perceived to be.. i was quite ashame that i felt that way about him.. maybe not all of them are like that.. everyone deserves a chance to take the other path they never did.. everyone deserves a chance to be helped.. in a way, i saw someone who put up a front to cover up for what he isnt.. someone who pretended to be able to be accepted by people he wanted to.. to feel belonged.. no one can blame him.. he never did anything wrong.. so how much of the story he told me is true.. i hope they all are.. haha.. he's so sweet.. told him i'll be going aussie to study in july.. he said he might come send me off if he's working.. ha.. hope he doesnt ask me to buy cigarettes for him..

these few months i've been travelling lots.. to taiwan, sydney, next is thailand.. during all these time, there were many lessons i learnt from.. saw myself in a different light.. reflected upon wad i have already... i am glad for life now.. hanging out with minli, huifang and xian every now and then.. talking wadever that comes to mind.. spending time with my ventures and cc members.. meeting up wif diane and gu ma once in a while.. playing with my little cousins.. meeting up with poly, jc and sec sch frenz.. i quite like my life now.. just me.. guess that's no one to worry about when there is just me.. guess i need some time by myself again.. to really think about wad i want in life.. maybe the year away from my family will let me find the old self back.. the one who will want to portray a smile again.. the growing tension at home doesnt make it easy.. how can u not talk to someone who raise u up.. but how do i talk to someone who nv really talk to me before.. i grown used to the being by myself.. only accounting wad i do to myself.. home has suddenly been so distant at some point..

maybe after i'm back.. i shall find interest in something and further my studies in that.. or maybe i'll join some organisation and go for overseas aid from time to time.. sounds good.. going into a relationship now is the last thing on my mind.. guess to find somebody else isnt that easy.. my heart and mind doesnt want to do that now also.. i'll just be alone.. i'll be fine.. i managed all these time.. though it had been difficult when i cant seem to fit at home, but i survived.. no matter how wronged i feel at times at home, how frustrated i'll be at wad's not right... guess the independence made me stronger... no matter wad happens.. i will still have myself..

melie
3:41 pm

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i am sure you will achieve all that you wanted someday... i know you can...

# posted by

Anonymous : 6:51 pm